Do you want to improve your mental state, be happier, and look prettier by the end of this week? I'm here to spill the tea about how positive self-talk can make a huge difference in your physical attractiveness and your mental state. Let’s take a deep dive into how positive self-talk can increase your confidence and mood, which in turn makes you a more attractive and prettier person.
What is self-talk?
Humans are blessed and cursed with a constant internal monologue. Except during meditation and sleep, we are almost always thinking about something. A majority of those thoughts revolve around the self. We think about what we’re going to eat for lunch, the people in our lives, our jobs, our health, etc. Too often, though, that self-talk is negative. We say things like: “I can’t eat that for lunch because I’m too fat,” or “My boss hates me,” or “I am always so tired and stressed.”
Sometimes it feels like these thoughts are out of our control. Like it’s someone else saying these thoughts to us or at us. It’s time to start taking control of this self-talk and regaining autonomy over our thoughts. Because self-talk is one of the best tools in increasing confidence, motivation, productivity, and mood. Which, in turn, affects the way we appear to others as well.
What are the benefits of positive self-talk?
There are a lot of potential health benefits of positive self-talk, including:
- Lower rates of depression and stress
- Greater resistance to the common cold
- Improved psychological and physical well-being
- Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
- Better coping skills during stress
- Increased life span
Furthermore, positive self-talk is shown to increase confidence—and higher self-confidence is linked to improved performance, greater motivation, more happiness, better social lives, and an overall healthier lifestyle.
How does this positive self-talk boost physical appearance?
There are a few ways positive self-talk can boost your outward appearance as well:
- Negative self-talk increases stress, and stress can lead to wrinkles and bags under the eyes, and it can speed up the aging process. On the flip side, positive self-talk reduces stress and can help brighten your facial expressions with smiles and a happy glow!
- When you’re absorbed in negative self-talk, you tend to go into your own world and are usually not aware of how you appear externally. For example, you might have a frown on your face as you’re thinking negative thoughts. But positive self-talk puts a smile on your face and makes you more externally focused, so you can give good vibes to others – rather than draining the environment with negativity.
- Furthermore, stress can worsen your posture. Think about something right now that makes you feel bad—really think about it. Notice your posture. You’re probably slumped with your shoulders forward, your head down, and your chin on your chest. Now, think about something that makes you super happy and excited—REALLY think about it. How does your body look now? How does it feel now? Your shoulders are back, your head is up, you have a smile on your face. Which posture do you think looks more attractive? Which posture feels better to you?
Essentially, confidence is sexy. Research has shown that confidence is not only good for our personal state, but it’s also seen as more attractive and romantically desirable. That’s because when you love yourself, others are naturally drawn to that self-love like a magnet.
Furthermore, there’s an interesting paradox that comes with confidence. When you’re confident, you don’t need external validation because you already have the confidence within you. And when we lose that need for external validation and instead focus on internal validation, we are automatically prettier – because we know that we are enough just as we are. You are already beautiful and perfect the way you are. When you love yourself, you will instantly become more attractive to others… because inward and outward love is always beautiful.
How to curb negative self-talk
But it’s not just as easy as saying, “Okay, I’ll be confident so I can look and feel better.” We all have bad patterns that allow negative self-talk to seep into our lives. If you want the benefits of positive self-talk, it takes time and practice.
In order to have a more positive mental state, you must first learn to acknowledge the negative self-talk. Here are a few tips to help you begin to recognize and stop negative thinking.
- Be aware of your thoughts. Don’t just let thoughts exist on their own. Be intentional about thinking. When you feel yourself letting your mind wander, bring it back within your control.
- After you have a thought, consider how it made you feel. Do you feel empowered and happy or embarrassed, sad, depressed, or anxious?
- Would you say that “thought” aloud to someone you love? If you would never say that statement to someone else, you shouldn’t be saying it to yourself.
- Think through your thoughts. (It sounds counterintuitive but hear us out.) When a thought passes through your head, stop it in its tracks and think about where that thought came from and where it’s going. Think it through logically and analytically.
- Give your negative voices a name. Brené Brown, a leading motivational speaker about overcoming failure, calls her negative thoughts “gremlins,” so she can make them an entity separate from herself and poke fun at them. This helps you think more objectively about your emotions and thoughts without being tied to them.
- Learn more about how to stop negative self-talk here.
If you’re like most of us, then you are your own biggest critic. It’s time to switch to being your own biggest fan.
How to focus on positive self-talk
The next step is to transform negative thinking into positivity. It isn’t easy, but with time and practice, you can turn positive self-talk into a habit. Here are a few ways to start revolutionizing your inner monologue.
- Think about the areas where you have the most negative talk, like work, relationship, or looking in the mirror. Focus on one area at a time where you will be more intentional. For example, if you tend to critique yourself while looking in the mirror, set the goal to only step in front of the mirror when you’re ready to be in a space of positive self-talk.
- Check in on yourself. We’re constantly thinking, so every once in a while, stop and recognize what you were just thinking about. If you were having mostly negative thoughts, try to readjust the line of thinking towards greater positivity. (We’ll give you some examples of this below.)
- Do something that makes you happy and confident. The best way to reshape your thought process is through humor and fun. If you are enjoying your life, you’ll start to have a more optimistic view that will be reflected in your internal dialogue. Whether that’s reading, working out, hanging out with your dog, or spending time with your family, doing something that makes you feel good will help make your thoughts more positive in tandem. Don't forget that fashion is the overlooked self-care you need in your life!
- The same is true of the people you spend time with. You’ve probably heard of getting “rid” of toxic people in your life, but it’s more than that. You want to surround yourself with positive people who will lift you up. When others are saying constructive and encouraging statements to you and around you, you’ll start to internalize those statements as well. Remember that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with!
- Wear clothing that makes you feel good. Studies show that clothes impact your psychology, so wearing something that makes you feel confident and beautiful can improve your inner talk as well!
- Focus on living a healthy lifestyle. Eat well, drink water, sleep enough, and exercise. Anxiety can originate in the gut, so balancing your health can help with negative rumination as well.
- Focus on the language you use. It’s not just about positivity. You want to use language that has weight and means something to you. If “beautiful” doesn’t hold a lot of meaning to you, try a word like “strong” or “sexy” or “funny” or anything else.
- Refer to yourself by name, rather than the pronoun “I.” For example, say: Carmen is beautiful and strong. Hearing your own name—even in your head—triggers the brain to be more alert and receptive to what’s being said.
- Practice, practice, practice. It’s going to take time, but keep working on it. Whenever you realize you’re having a negative thought, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, respond with positive affirmations that feel good. Soon enough, it will be like second nature to you.
Here are some examples of ways you can reshape negative thoughts into positive ones:
- I’m scared to try something new. > This is an opportunity to learn and grow.
- I can’t do this. > I will make it happen.
- I feel alone. > I will reach out to and connect with loved ones.
- I am ugly. > I love the way my hair looks today.
- I’m not smart enough. > I am smart, and I am continuing to learn.
- I am scared to say something. > I will say something because what I have to say has value.
- I don’t like my body. > My body is the vessel I use to experience the world.
- I don’t like these clothes on me. > I love how this accentuates my natural figure.
How you talk to yourself can be destructive or beneficial for your overall health, emotions, and mood. So how are you going to talk to yourself today?
P.S. We’d like to note that there’s a difference between positive self-talk and “toxic positivity.” You don’t always need to be positive or optimistic. Feeling your feelings is good! Rather, the goal is to reshape your mind to start loving yourself even more so you can continue to grow and experience beauty in the world!